For a while i thought that everybodys minds were like mine. i thought whenever people are quiet they are just "thinking" but recently i realized im quiet so much and they im actually worrying, like over-thinking anything and everything, usually social things like conversations or how i look. i cant read or watch something on tv because i cant focus since im thinking. i dont mean to worry either it just happens. my nails are gnawed down and sometimes ill be chillin on my bed basically frozen, this issue coexists with depression. i feel thinking keeps me from learning or socializing and sometimes i think im reaaally crazy i hate it. when im around anyone who isnt my boyfriend or bestfriend or intermediate family member i hate talking or making eye contact cause i feel like im watching myself and i would hate to talk or look at me if i were another person and i just want to be out of any situation like that such as family weddings, school, anything. its so uncomfortable for me. i spend most of my time in my bedroom/bed. if a friend texts me "what are you up to" ill answer back "just chillin" but i realize im not relaxing and my heartbeat kicks up whenever i think im just hanging out . its like i cant ever be relaxed and its not fair since other people dont seem to be this way. to make matters worse im realllly paranoid and if im in a social setting i cant help but look for things about people that makes them untrustworthy. im sick of myself i hate me and i think i wouldnt have these problems if i werent so freakin ugly.